I blogged a few months back about me having OCD.... Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, or "The Doubting Disease". I have since done a bit of my own research in learning all I can as it relates to the disorder. I thought with the information I have come across, I would share it with you all in hopes it would shed a little more light on the subject to help you understand yourself and others who are sufferers. OCD has been classified as an anxiety disorder. The symptoms vary widely but I have listened a few here to get us started. There are several types of symptoms for OCD but there are 2 elements which make up the disorder......hence the name OBSESSIONS and COMPULSIONS. The Obsessions are unwanted or persistent thoughts, feelings or impulses that intrude your mind. These feelings and thoughts usually cause anxiety, worry and doubt. Compulsions are mental acts or repetitive behavior that is performed in an effort to relieve or prevent the anxiety, worry or doubt. People with OCD believe these rituals possess some kind of magic that will prevent or deflect whatever the situation that is causing the anxiety, worry or doubt. I liken it to an undo button when you working in Microsoft word. Sufferers are usually unsure about things, always second guessing themselves, their decisions, and or their actions. The most common are compulsive checking....this is where the person repeatedly checks things such as doors, locks or household appliances believing if they aren't checked and rechecked an accident or harm can be a result. Compulsive ordering and symmetry.....this is where the person feels compelled to constantly arrange certain items or carry out actions repeatedly until they feel "just right." The person can become extremely distressed if objects they've arranged are moved, touched or rearranged. Hoarding.....is probably the one that gets talked about the most, especially with the show Hoarders. These people have difficulty discarding things that most people consider junk...like old newspapers, magazines, milk cartons and even cigarette ashes. There is also the Scrupulosity.....where the person is worried about the possibility of insulting or offending God by violating religious rules. They may pray or confess excessively or seek frequent reassurance from clergy about their own moral purity.
Since being officially diagnosed with OCD in early August of last year (some people told me I was long before) I have tried to learn as much as I can so I could get a better understanding of what had been affecting my life. I struggled for a while trying to understand why I was doing what I was doing. Now my actions have a face or at least something I can identify it with.
Quiet as kept OCD not only affects the person with the disorder but also those that are around them. Often times their life isn't understood and many who suffer are reluctant to share it with people. The stigma associated with the disorder is often that of someone who is crazy or has mental issues. I feel it takes a special person to be able to live with and love someone with OCD( yes I know its hard to believe but I am difficult to deal with at times). Not everybody is able to live up to the challenge...and a challenge it is!
I fall under the category of compulsive ordering and symmetry. My day starts with a certain set of rituals that most that have lived with me probably never paid much attention to. Yet if those rituals aren't done, then my day is completely thrown off. I spend the remainder of my day worrying about whatever I missed doing that morning. Often times when this happens I am accused of being moody, acting funny or not wanting to be bothered. They didn't realize my day didn't start off like it should have...so my coping mechanisms kick in and in my mind I am try to redo what I didn't do! Most of the time the reminder of my day is spent sorting, or grouping things together either physically or mentally. So imagine me trying to explain to you that I am not in the mood this morning because I didn't put my left shoe on first, or my favorite spoon was dirty or my brush wasn't where I left it. To the people not directly affected by the disorder this makes absolutely no sense at all. I have heard, "just put your shoe on", or "use another spoon, its just a spoon." Yes to you they are, but to me it much more than that. I want that particular spoon because I don't like big spoons. It feels right, it looks right so I have to have it. When it isn't available I panic....so instead of washing that spoon I will wash all the dishes, which leads to cleaning the stove and the microwave etc. So as long as that spoon is available I am OK! I could go on about all those things that trigger responses from me but the list is too long you you all may actually think I am crazy for real. Plus sometimes I don't even know why I am doing something until it is pointed out to me.
I can't say I know the root cause as to why I am the way I am or when it started for me. My mother wasn't strict or worrisome but she is somewhat of a neat freak. She irons all the time. I recalled once when she broke a few toes when she fell and as I was preparing to take her to the emergency room, she told me she had to iron her pants and shirt! I still laugh at that sight...her standing on one leg ironing her clothes( she wouldn't let me do it for her). Maybe it was my grandmother who drilled into my mother the importance of order and cleanliness. My mother made mention that as a child she didn't have clean clothes or shoes all the time, and now she has a room(literally) full of clothes and shoes.She has some shoes she hasn't worn in 10 years, but the funny part is they are all organized(yes I went in the room and arranged things) on clothes racks and the shoes are all boxed up neatly arranged against the wall.
I wrote this today so some people can get a better understanding of what OCD is and if you are living with someone who may be suffering from it and not know it, maybe this can help you to help them. For me it seems like a haze was cleared because I now understand a part of me that was misunderstood not only by others but myself included. Clarity is a beautiful thing! Its not easy being a person who suffers from this disorder and chances are it's not easy being with them either.
GET AKB FIT!
"Teaching a healthy approach to a happy existence"
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